OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize