I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
