his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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