your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
