I cannot find my penis.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
