gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
