Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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