I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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