why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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