They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize