There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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