with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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