The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
