That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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