Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
