i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
