ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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