I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
