nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
