You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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