why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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