she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
