Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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