i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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