he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
