I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
