I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
