Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm like, not good at living.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
