oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize