Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
