Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
