I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
