17 year olds will be the death of me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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