you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
