1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
