I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Boobs are out for the taking
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
