When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
