I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
4 words: hood of his car
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
