I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
