I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
