my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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