I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
