whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
