I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
