You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize