y did u give ur computer a hand job?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
