My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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