Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize