dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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