Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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