So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i think my cat just said my name.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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