you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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