when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
