i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
