R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
