dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize