this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize