My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He passed out mid-signature
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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