She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
