I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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