Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
