Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
