My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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