Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
