don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
