I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
