When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
