Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
