I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
