I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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